Chapter 18 - WHAT LILY REMEMBERED
Lily was nine when she asked whether I regretted kicking Julian.
We were eating pancakes at the kitchen table.
She had syrup in her hair.
I considered giving her a polished answer.
“I regret that the situation reached that point.”
“That sounds like lawyers.”
“It does.”
She waited.
“I do not regret protecting you.”
“I do regret using force.”
“Both can be true.”
“He hit you.”
“Yes.”
“Was it wrong to kick him?”
“It was understandable.”
“That’s not the same.”
“No.”
She looked toward her plate.
“Grandma said ladies never fight.”
“Grandma ordered people to hurt others while keeping her own hands clean.”
“That is not better.”
Lily nodded.
“Do I have to forgive her?”
“No.”
“Do I have to hate her?”
“No.”
“What do I have to do?”
“Tell the truth about what happened.”
“Protect yourself.”
“Decide the rest when you are ready.”
She cut her pancake into small stars.
“Did Daddy know Grandma was bad?”
“He knew she was doing harmful things.”
“He also loved her.”
“Adults can know part of the truth and still need time to understand all of it.”
“Why didn’t he tell us sooner?”
“He wanted proof.”
“He was afraid.”
“He may also have believed he could fix everything alone.”
“That was dumb.”
“Yes.”
She looked surprised that I agreed.
I continued.
“Your father was brave.”
“He was also wrong to carry the danger by himself.”
“People are allowed to be more than one thing.”
Lily pointed her fork toward me.
“Like you kicking Uncle Julian.”
“Exactly.”
We both laughed.
May you like
Healing did not turn the story into something gentle.
It made room for complexity without allowing complexity to become excuse.
